Coming Back

How can I describe coming back and getting into the mix of things after six weeks in a country that left its charm on me? It’s difficult, well not so much difficult but really it’s a little hard. Anybody who has a home can easily become comfortable because of their knowing the situation they’re in, knowing how to get around, how to operate, basically the ins and outs of daily life. That’s a good thing but, at the same time, the spontaneity, the newness, the learning about a culture and people which inevitably leads to a person learning about their own self, these things bring out so much in a person. It’s true that we can learn a lot while at home but, the level and the amount we learn while we’re away seems to magnify big time. At least in my case it did.

Coming back I realized how much I’ve changed and though it may sound cliché, it’s nevertheless a true thing. Like the size of a tree can be gauged against a mountain or a hill, I’ve gauged myself against people here, people I know, some who may be friends, others who may be acquaintances and still others who I’ve never met but have heard or heard of and gained an insight into their thought. Sometimes this gauging is done on purpose but most times for me, it’s not. And gauging myself against others I’ve seen that my way of thinking hasn’t necessarily changed full circle but has actually gone through a growing phase. What was theory is now a reality for me, what was large is now small. Big issues are minor ones now. Rivers and lakes were big but after seeing the Atlantic they’re a drop of water. Beaches were vast, but after walking, riding and sleeping on the Sahara, they’re sandboxes. I feel as if my eyes have been replaced and I am seeing things in a new life and unfortunately, this is going to lead me to a point of departure with some. Though it may not be a physical one, mentally I may not be there any longer or in full attention. How can one convey an experience? How can a person explain what true poverty is, a poverty where there is absolutely no foreseeable way out? And at the same time, how can one describe the embrace that would be given to a lifelong friend that’s given to a person only known for a week? Most importantly though, how can one explain a community? In a society that stresses the self, the independent self, over and over again, how can it be explained or talked about to give of yourself and to let go of selfish tendencies? Maybe I could try, maybe I could share stories but in the end, from what I’ve experienced, a story is started to be shared and after 2 ½ minutes attention is turned away and before you know it, no one’s listening anymore. How then is insight to be given?

Coming back, I’ve seen what I’ve only thought in the past; that sometimes a person is at home where they are not at home. That is to say, where we are born and raised is considered our home but in the true and fully encompassing definition, it’s not necessarily our home. Where I was, I felt at home, I could in all reality think clearly and function much better than the place where I’ve been brought up. Maybe it was the atmosphere, maybe the people, who knows. One thing is for sure, I did feel more at home there than here.

Things are different here now and business will not be as usual. In fact, business can’t be as usual, this is just a part of life, a growing stage that we enter into. I hope that Insha’Allah my changes and development will be the kind that can enable me to become a better individual for the collective whole and to contribute as much as possible wherever possible. There are some who may travel the world and see everything and their travels which broaden their scope combine with an ego to turn them into cocky condescending types. This is a shame and hopefully this won’t come of me. However, it’s true that once going through life a person changes drastically and actually can experience a social shock when getting back into the social “norms” of their old community. As a lyricist once said

"The world looks a lot different after you do a bid

The way your life done changed

While primitive minds (are) still stuck in the same game"